Too Good At Goodbyes

Have you ever dated someone and thought to yourself, “Should I leave or should I stay?” This sucks because most of the time, we are extremely indecisive and make the incorrect decision. We stay too long in toxic relationships, or we give up too fast on an amazing person. After we do this, we are upset with ourselves because we wish we could have seen the future and made an accurate decision.

See, the thing is that I am the type of person who gives up so easily in terms of everything. I do not see the point of sticking around people who certainly do not worth my time, my dedications and most importantly, my love. Trust me, when you have been hurt so deeply to the extent of losing yourself, this is what you would experience, at least for a period of time. I used to be the guy who doesn't give a damn thing to almost everything. I used to mess around with people's feelings and honey, I certainly did not think twice about what I said. Yes, I was a jerk. I could walk away from every heartbreak so easily with no hard feelings that I was impressed by myself.

Right after I met you, everything has drastically changed.

Yes, I still have the issue of ending relationships promptly without holding back. However, you certainly have changed my point of view. You made me stayed. "I think we are not suitable for each other and I absolutely think that we should go on our separate ways." I blurted out this every time when we had an argument, clearly I did not think twice and I have hurt your feelings for countless times. I said it with the thought of you never leaving me because I assumed you would stay no matter what. I took your feelings to me for granted. You warned me not to say it over and over again but I never listen. You said to me that you would eventually choose to leave when you really have had enough of my bullshits. I have challenged your limits and pushed boundaries till the very end.

"I guess you are right, we are not suitable for each other and I have had enough of you and we are over."

At that moment, my mind was empty and I did not know what to respond. I did not see it coming. I regretted everything I have done to you, everything I have ever said to you. I was wrong. I begged you to stay. "I'm sorry, please don't go, I didn't mean it of breaking up with you. Please, stay for me. Please..." But you said no to me. The thought of losing you permanently haunts me and I have no idea what to do with my life, especially when I have completely rejected everyone who was after me. It is not that I constantly want to be in a relationship, it is just that I am so used to having you in my life and right now you have completely withdrawn yourself from it is just excruciating. I asked for it, and this is what i deserved, not going to complain but I honestly just hate myself.

"Cause every time you hurt me, the less that I cry
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry
And every time you walk out, the less I love you
Baby, we don't stand a chance, it's sad but it's true
I'm way too good at goodbyes."

Lesson learnt, do not hurt your love one by asking for a break up every damn time. 

Please come back, please.