The fact that I am hurt all over again right after I have finally recovered from the past relationship, is just devastating. As I lay here on my bed, still half-inebriated from whatever I drank earlier in the night, I only wish the pain would subside as my tipsiness eventually would. But as I get less drunk, I get more intoxicated by the sadness of reality.
It's been an amazing, fruitful journey with you in the past few months. I can never imagine how lucky I was to have found you in life when I was still suffering. You were there for me every time when I needed you, you were there to listen to every single lame shit I was willing to share. The truth is, I always felt that I was never good enough for you. From mentality to financial wise, I am not capable of giving what I was supposed to provide to you. With the trauma of past relationship, I certainly do not have a stable mentality to handle every argument we had. I am vulnerable and weak. I give up way too easily even if I know I shouldn't. My insecurity always gets the best of me and eventually leads to great repercussions. My insecurity accidentally makes me a bitch. It accidentally causes me to hurt the people closest to me.
In the course of our relationship, we never agree upon each other's opinions. We never compromise with each other's flaws and needless to say of embracing them. We were never on the same page to even begin with. Every time an argument spiked up, I strongly protested against my perspective and points, so did you. I admit I do have a strong sense of ego, I hardly apologise when I knew I was wrong. When you confronted me with this issue, I acknowledged the momentousness of my behaviour in causing discomfort in you. I was changing slowly but surely, all I wanted was you to feel happy. In the past relationships, it has always been me dominating and I would never compromise. I was selfish, I was self-centred. You said I never listen to the things you said, but I did. I am that type of guy who doesn't really show much of his emotions, especially to love ones. This is why I lost the one whom I loved the most.
Feelings faded gradually after each and every argument we had, huh? I am truly surprised to see your immediate reaction of downloading social dating apps before we have even officially ended our relationship. The question is, are you really that eager of starting a new relationship with someone else? Well, I tried to make you stay but you insisted of leaving, you made the choice of leaving for the first and the last time, I respect that. You are free from me now. I wish nothing but the best for you.
I guess it's gonna be a lonely Christmas for me this year.
