Blank Space

These days I haven't been sleeping well. When I am all alone in the middle of the night, I tend to undergo mood swings and sadness always gets the better side of me. I like to overthink and expect the worst as usual. Things were not that bad. I can’t help it. I don’t want to expect the worst but I am compelled to do so. In the grand scheme of things, it’ll be one of those moments that we’ll be laughing at a couple of months from now.

Whenever I am out with friends, no matter how contented I feel, there would still be a part of me which feels empty. It is like a blank space waiting to be filled, but it would never happen. Then there’s the part of me who wants it to work. Who allows me to believe that it just might work out. I start bracing myself for catastrophe and then telling myself to relax, you can’t prepare for every tragedy. Who knows maybe that blank space is meant to be vacant? Perhaps loneliness is a curse to my soul. If only I knew.

I am a nightmare dressed like a daydream. This is where my contradictions begin.