Just when you thought everything is over, apparently it is not, at least to me.
It has been a year. It has been a fucking year since we stopped talking. Yes, you may question, why are we still dwelling on this same old topic over and over again. See, the thing is, some days I would feel normal, as if I have set myself apart from all the things. But most of the days, every single memory I had with you, shuts me out. I tried to seek for the same feeling, the same kind of love that you have given me. Turns out, it was nothing but a disaster, simply adding salt to the wounds. This story goes on for a year now, I can no longer turn to my friends and seek for enlightenments simply because they are all bored of this, bored of me. Well, I cannot blame them, how much can other people really help you anyways?
Truth is, sometimes I hate you so much for giving up on this relationship so easily. Sometimes I just miss you so much that every single breathe I take, it hurts me. It all started again when I found out one of my friends followed you on Instagram. Not to mention, I allegedly confronted my friend shortly after this discovery. My heart ached, because I know that you were on tinder again. You were on the hunt for someone new again, or maybe for what I think it was. The idea of you flirting and hitting on someone else, haunts me. It should have been me, it should have been me who you were holding hands with. Am I not any better than anyone you found on Tinder? Or is it because I was never good enough for you? From the day we decided to break up, I should have hated you for doing that, I should have hated you for betraying me. I should have hated you for flirting with other people behind my back while I was in KL and claimed yourself to be single at that time. I should have hated you. But I did not. No matter how terrible you were, all I could ever think of was the good memories we had, all the places we have been. All these good things I had about you just allegedly made their way into my mind as if they were there to make me fall for you all over again. Was I hallucinating?
You made me believe that you have thought about me, at least once in awhile I supposed. Why did you leave an anonymous note which was obviously you who wrote it, on my Sarahah? Why did you apologise when you could come back to me? I did the same thing on your Sarahah too. I left an anonymous note telling you that I was sorry about what happened too and how much I wanted you back to my side. The fact that you have locked your accounts to private mode, makes me want to see what is inside even more. I wished you would know how much tears I have shed for you.
It is officially a year now. I remember vividly that same date today last year, I sent all your things back to you and that was it. I have no longer seen or heard from you anymore ever since.
How long does it take to let go?
