A Dream Seemed So Real

Perhaps, the most dreadful part of a relationship is not about breaking up, but the pain and memories which are left behind. I have tried so hard to pretend as if I was okay, I was just too numb to have feelings anymore. I told myself that I would be just fine without your presence, yea I was perfectly fine in the beginning if it was not studies which kept you off my mind. I refrained myself not to see even a single photo or post you shared, I thought that would help me. I was so stupid to even think that you would come back to me eventually. I was in pain.

I dreamt of you last night. 

It was pitch dark outside, rain poured heavily and the cold was unbearable. I was groggy and barely awake. I felt empty and alone. So I searched for you. Perhaps you were still working on your job outside. 

I found you sleeping on the couch and a sense of relief washed over me. I enjoyed watching you sleeping. As I was brushing my fingers through your silky smooth hair,  I asked myself, what did I do to deserve you? The longing in my heart to hug you was so overpowering and then I stopped.

You aren't mine anymore. You were bored and got over me when I was away. 

Part of me wanted to just communicate with you, hear your voice or touch you, even if you weren't real. But I couldn't. I was trapped in this loneliness and dread, but you did not give a damn. I ran back into our room, and realised this wasn't my room anymore. That isn't my bed. This wasn't the fucking bed we both slept in. Where the fuck did it go?

I woke up crying. Life goes on. 

I was never the clingy type. Why did you mould me into that just to break our promises and leave me after that? 

Deep inside me coiled is the need to know, are you cheating on me. 

Is Blogging Still A Thing Now?

Back when I was still in primary school, writing entries in blogs were a major hit thing back in the olden days. I love to read and that's for sure. When I have free time to spare, I could find myself reading new blog posts of some of my favourite bloggers. Quality blog posts would attract my attention rather than wasting my precious time reading irrelevant or misleading posts. Though hitherto, for sure there are passionate people who are still constantly blogging , writing their daily or maybe weekly happenings, sharing the bits of their lives to readers, but however, the number of these people are gradually decreasing over the years. So, is blogging still a thing now?

When I was in high school, I always looked up to some amazing local bloggers like Jane Chuck, Naomi Neo, Ashley and etc. Until now, I would still patronise their blogs when I am free or whenever I feel like doing so. I aspire to be like them, I want to be like them. I want to become an internet sensation that would attract millions of followers and readers. It is always a part of my dreams anyways. It is just me building castles in the air, fantasising the life of being a famous celeb. Dreams would just be dreams without really actualising them.

Well, I really have to admit the fact that I have nothing, like really zero things to be adored or liked about. I don't have a pretty face, I don't have a masculine figure, I don't have on fleek physiques, I am not even tall either. Don't remind me of plastic surgeries as I would not do any of those things for the time being, changing yourself just to be famous is a big no no to me. Perhaps, the only thing that I can do is to write interesting blog posts and take beautiful photos.

I am a strong believer that if you do something you love wholeheartedly, dreams would come true. So, am I really ready to embark on this strenuous journey?

Fall

There were certainly times when you felt like an useless piece of shit. I have constantly reminded myself to become a better person physically and mentally. When you saw your friends are getting way better than you, it just kills you to see yourself not having any improvements and you know, perhaps still being the incompetent you.

Figuring out my life. No achievement. Could barely even feed myself. Of course, part of me was actually feeling extremely envious of them. When come to think of it again, it's part of life-cycle - you need to learn to fall in order to learn to get back up. I'm not sure how long I will be falling, but I'm pretty sure when there's right time, I'll get back up in no time.

I just wanna be as successful as everybody else, that's all.