Friday 17 October 2014

Paranoid



Time flies into November and I feel older in each passing day. Another two more months of the year will be called a wonderful year would I had been. It is unbelievable the fact that I started off blogging never had foreseen the possibility of sustaining this wonderful page of mine for almost a year. October has finally coming to an end. Images keep flashing back in my mind, everything past so fast like it was just yesterday.

A lot of happenings throughout the whole year but nothing particularly worth remembering, needless to say the fun I had for the past months. I believe throughout the year the experiences that I had gained from the hardwork is remarkably unforgettable and totally worthwhile. I have to apologize for the long duration of absence of not posting adequate post recently because I literally had nothing worthwhile to post for. My days are exceptionally normal as what normal people would have done for the day itself. It’s pretty much dreadful to endure the remaining days of tedium.

Life is a bitch, it does not often go the way as much as we want it to be, in which I think its completely and utterly true to the core, in turn easily lead us thinking about failure. I always got this kind of disappointment literally everyday in my life, that I have immunized to it I shall say. Seeing people holding their success with the exultant that I wish I could have one day, that has got me wondered whether or not my life is a downright competition or just being the best of me. If one treated life as a competition, it would be very exhausting for one who take into account of the entirety of the possibility to vie for triumph. Being the best of me may have been the subtle way to live life the way we want it, but uneventful things always seem to happen right on the best of us. It’s appalling, I know. If only I could constitute a plan to prevent it from happening.

Maybe someday I could fly away from here to far far away,
If only I could.





Thursday 16 October 2014

Goal Setting

School has been deliberately dreadful.  I had survived 3 weeks of exams, I am finally done with everything right now. As I grew older, I have come to realize how easy my life was back then. I seriously hate myself for not cherishing the time I had. All the preparations for exams are killing the hell out of me, K.O. When you have a shitty day, you would not be surprised how shittier your day would have turned out.  I’m sick of it. Really tiring to be holding up to be a tough man. Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on a path to wonderful things that will ever happen to us.

I am so relieved that I can get to enjoy my holidays, like finally. It had been five days since my holidays had started. My depressive feeling has ebbed away which I feel refreshing and my mind is clear. During this three months of holidays, I need to achieve my goals. Deep down in my heart, I know how hard it will be to achieve this goal. I can’t put my thoughts into word but I have a rough idea of what I want next year. I am glad that next year, 2015 will be my last year in high school. Time had passed in a blink of an eye, it was just like yesterday when I first stepped my foot in high school. I am proud of myself that I have finally made it, I bet I will cry during graduation day. Thinking about my future, I am afraid yet feeling anticipated about the things I can do in future. I can't wait to start driving, I am so so so looking forward to my birthday next year.

My goal is my driving force to propel forward. To be able to get something I’ve always wanted has never ceased to fail, but this time I won’t let it happen again. My history is about to change. If I put my faith on it, I believe it will change for my benefits.

20 Facts About Me





Recently, "20 facts about me" was trending on Instagram and I've been tagged by quite a number of people to do this challenge and yea, it was kinda interesting I mean like you could get to know more about other people's stuffs and also the things which you do not know about them. So, I have decided to blog about this but I did post it on Instagram too, it was simplified and cut short so yea. I don't know but things people wrote about themselves were way beyond my expectations, like seriously. I thought I knew them well but in fact, I don't. I think most people thought they knew a lot about me but honestly, everything shown on the internet about me is just a part of me and there are things that I want to keep it personal. So here is my advice to you that one should not judge a person based on the things he has seen on the internet.  

Here it goes.

20 Facts About Me

1. The first thing on the list is totally shoes. I have a major obsession with shoes, I'm serious. In case you're wondering, I have 15 pair of shoes but I usually wear five pairs of them. I'm not trying to boast anything here, I just want to show that how shoes ruined my life. I love Dr. Martens a lot but I find it is kinda difficult to walk in those shoes. I have injured my ankles for like a thousand times. 

2. I am a huge fan of Starbucks *screams*. Green Tea Latte is my favourite drink! High five if we share the same interest! Ice Shaken Lemon Tea is perfect for you if you are not a coffee lover.

3. I love love love love love striking colours, especially red and yellow! Black and white are also my fav colours. Things that are red in colour are so attractive and stunning. But sometimes it may be too attractive and turns out you are drawing way too much attention to yourself. So, think wisely before you dress yourself with these bright colours, not everyone is able to pull them off. 

4. I admire people with great fashion sense. I do follow a lot of fashionistas on Instagram, they have influenced me a lot in the way I dress myself. Good appearance does make a big impression. So, don't be afraid, dress whatever you want because you were born to rule your life not to please other people. However, don't be too full of yourself, dress moderately because people are so judgmental nowadays.

5. I adore Lady Gaga, Lana Del Rey and Ariana Grande so so much you wouldn't believe me that I actually have all of their albums. However, I have never been to any one of their concerts so I guess I can never be their number one fan, this is so depressing. 

6. I love reading very much, don't judge me. I don't like to read Chinese books, although I can read and write Chinese well, I just don't. Believe me or not, I have a mini library at home. I have literally spent hours and hours immersing myself in reading, bookworm alert. I am currently reading The Devil Wears Prada, it is really good. One of the best books that I have read so far definitely is the Divergent Series.  

7. I am the only child in my family. It's kinda like a bittersweet thing if you ask me. As what they said, only child gets the best of everything, parents treat you like a king or whatever. I am blessed to have all these wonderful things in my life, I appreciate everything I have a lot. But there were times I yearned for a playmate during my childhood, especially during the time when my parents left me alone in my grandparents' house. It was a painful memory as I had to struggle through a lot of things in my life. 

 8. Simple pleasures excite me. I enjoy spending my time playing along with kids, which explains why I love kids so much. I love getting crazy with kids, somehow they made me put my problems aside and overwhelmed by the happiness around these kids. One thing that makes my heart go awww is when kids stare at me with those cute little puppy eyes begging me for something like sweets or stuffs like that. I love spending my evening at the park watching my cousins chasing each other, it just feels good to me. 

9. I love green tea/ matcha related food. I heard that matcha acts as an antioxidant and can certainly help to slim your body down. Moreover, matcha promotes good and healthy skin. This is why I drink green tea wherever I go. I certainly did not mention that I have an allergy to chocolate and nuts, I am not even kidding, It is so depressing that I had to watch people around me eating scrumptious chocolate brownies and chocolate lava cakes happily, you can just kill me. As a result, I resorted to eating matcha ice cream as a replacement to chocolate. So, do not buy me chocolates because the only thing I can do is to stare at them forcing myself not to eat them.

10. I was once lost in a shopping mall. My teacher nearly left two of my friends and I at a hotel in Singapore because we overslept. I used to break my friend's arm and I have been dropped out of kindergarten because of that. There was once that I had actually plucked up my guts to participate in a story-telling competition back in 2006 and I literally stood on the stage not even dare to say a word because I was a coward. I felt so embarrassed that I cried the whole night.

11. I certainly hate bitchy, selfish, arrogant, two-faced and judgmental people. Everybody in this world is not perfect, i am not an exception. I seriously don't get the point why people nowadays have to judge everything and manipulate the truth just to get everybody on their side to pull someone down. It is definitely fine to judge for once or twice but not every time. You certainly know how it feels like to be judged and I believe that you will not feel happy when your heard something bad about you. There are so much negativity in this world, we should put a stop to it not making it worse. 

12.  I value friendships more than relationships. This is my personal preference, you may think that relationship is more important, it's your choice. I seriously hate it when your best friend dumps you just because he or she is in a relationship. It is totally not worth it to give up friendships because you certainly do not know when will your relationship ends, what if you lost the both of them? Me, myself  cannot live without a bunch of friends in my life, I hate to be alone cause being alone sucks. I am currently going steady with a girl who I love very much, well I hope it lasts till the very end. 

13. I had met Jessie J once in my life when I was fourteen. I was so lucky to get her concert tickets for just RM 20 while the others bought it for like RM 300 or so, she was the best vocal singer ever. Besides, I had met Katy Perry during the MTV Worldstage i forgot when was it but it was really amazing. I really hope that Lady Gaga can perform in Malaysia someday but I know it will never happen. 

14.  My favourite blogger has got to be Jane Chuck (chuckei). She's really cool and pretty well I hope to take a selfie with her though. My favourite youtuber is JinnyboyTV, their videos are meaningful, I like them a lot. 

15. I am not sure if you will think that I am a nuts but I have decided to be a doctor after my graduation in high school. A dermatologist to be exact. I have faced problems with my skin throughout my teenage years so I hope that I could help the next generation if I have actualized my dream. Being a doctor takes up to 10 years of training and education, I don't really know if i could manage to pass through it.  

16. My biggest fear in my life is height. I seriously cannot look down from a tall building or bridge, not even in the top floor of a shopping mall. You can kill me but do not leave me alone standing on a transparent plus 10928742074902894839182901 tall bridge. Besides, I cannot watch horror movies, I just can't. 

17. I prefer to work alone than working in a group because I cannot tolerate squabbling with my mates. So, in order to stay away from all those disagreements and shits, I rather work alone.

18. I am very playful and likes to fool around sometimes. I can do things out of your mind. But, I am very emotional sometimes, I can't help it. I have a soft heart, I fall for people and listen to what people say easily, which is a bad thing. 

19. I am a strong and determined person. I tend to go to the extent to stay up till late at night just to finish my things, I cannot sleep well if my things aren't finish yet. I am a workaholic and a shopaholic. 

20. I hate durians. I cannot bear with the smell and the taste of it, I just can't. I love oranges very much though. Durian cakes, durian tarts, durian cupcakes and whatsoever, a big no no from me. 


Well, that's it. Now you know a part of me. I can't believe that I have finish writing such a long post. I am back in business people. Stay tuned for more updates! 





  



Friday 22 August 2014

Why?

I wonder how does it feel like to be good enough and be pleased by yourself. Diffidence gets the better of me every time, it just doesn't feel right to be who I am and do whatever I want sometimes. I hate myself for being such a coward.

I looked into the mirror, seeing myself in the reflection, I uttered one word: Why?
Why do I have to pretend someone that I am not when I can be someone that I want to be?
Why had great things never ever happened to me?
I wanted to throw my fist to the mirror as if hitting myself back. Is it what it is? Am I incapable of loving?What do I know about heartbreaking when I am incapable of loving?
What is the point of waiting for someone who will never appreciate your presence, your kindness and most of all your love?

And maybe for once, just once, someone please tell me something encouraging, something inspiring to propel me forward. I'm so tired of trying and I don't even know if it's worth it. To be able to get something I’ve always wanted has never ceased to fail, but this time I won’t let it happen again. My history is about to change. If I put my faith on it, I believe it will change for my benefits.




Wednesday 13 August 2014

A Getaway



A perfect getaway is what I needed so much now. Despite the flight to my destination isn’t that far away, I still want to leave everything I ever know behind.

All these depressive feelings struggling internally makes me really sick.I'm so tired of everything, sick of everything that is going on right now. I am constantly reminding myself not to think bout this but i guess it's just not working.

I am pretty much alive on the outside but completely dead on the inside.

It has been a pretty long time since my last time I have ever traveled across the country. Life problems are haunting me endlessly, I just need to get away from everything or anything.



Saturday 12 July 2014

The Beginning

Hello, welcome to my blog!
I am Jason, author of this blog. Basically, I love to blog everything in my life, my thoughts and my hopes.
This is the beginning of this blog, this is where I can truly express my inner feelings, this is my world.
Moving on to a new place, hopefully this will be my last resort.