Perhaps, the most dreadful part of a relationship is not about breaking up, but the pain and memories which are left behind. I have tried so hard to pretend as if I was okay, I was just too numb to have feelings anymore. I told myself that I would be just fine without your presence, yea I was perfectly fine in the beginning if it was not studies which kept you off my mind. I refrained myself not to see even a single photo or post you shared, I thought that would help me. I was so stupid to even think that you would come back to me eventually. I was in pain.
I dreamt of you last night.
It was pitch dark outside, rain poured heavily and the cold was unbearable. I was groggy and barely awake. I felt empty and alone. So I searched for you. Perhaps you were still working on your job outside.
I found you sleeping on the couch and a sense of relief washed over me. I enjoyed watching you sleeping. As I was brushing my fingers through your silky smooth hair, I asked myself, what did I do to deserve you? The longing in my heart to hug you was so overpowering and then I stopped.
You aren't mine anymore. You were bored and got over me when I was away.
Part of me wanted to just communicate with you, hear your voice or touch you, even if you weren't real. But I couldn't. I was trapped in this loneliness and dread, but you did not give a damn. I ran back into our room, and realised this wasn't my room anymore. That isn't my bed. This wasn't the fucking bed we both slept in. Where the fuck did it go?
I woke up crying. Life goes on.
I was never the clingy type. Why did you mould me into that just to break our promises and leave me after that?
Deep inside me coiled is the need to know, are you cheating on me.
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