Why?

I wonder how does it feel like to be good enough and be pleased by yourself. Diffidence gets the better of me every time, it just doesn't feel right to be who I am and do whatever I want sometimes. I hate myself for being such a coward.

I looked into the mirror, seeing myself in the reflection, I uttered one word: Why?
Why do I have to pretend someone that I am not when I can be someone that I want to be?
Why had great things never ever happened to me?
I wanted to throw my fist to the mirror as if hitting myself back. Is it what it is? Am I incapable of loving?What do I know about heartbreaking when I am incapable of loving?
What is the point of waiting for someone who will never appreciate your presence, your kindness and most of all your love?

And maybe for once, just once, someone please tell me something encouraging, something inspiring to propel me forward. I'm so tired of trying and I don't even know if it's worth it. To be able to get something I’ve always wanted has never ceased to fail, but this time I won’t let it happen again. My history is about to change. If I put my faith on it, I believe it will change for my benefits.

A Getaway

A perfect getaway is what I needed so much now. Despite the flight to my destination isn’t that far away, I still want to leave everything I ever know behind.

All these depressive feelings struggling internally makes me really sick.I'm so tired of everything, sick of everything that is going on right now. I am constantly reminding myself not to think bout this but i guess it's just not working.

I am pretty much alive on the outside but completely dead on the inside.

It has been a pretty long time since my last time I have ever traveled across the country. Life problems are haunting me endlessly, I just need to get away from everything or anything.